Fuck you, Man. But also, Namaste.

This week I have had a huge wake-up call to the fact that you may grow up and mature faster than your friends or the people that surround you. I hadn’t really realized until now how I thought my growth inspired others and that having a friendship isn’t necessarily growing together (unless you’re lucky and got those close true best friends in your life).

this week I felt increasingly more like a butterfly officially stepping out of its cocoon. For a while now  – heck, maybe the whole year- I have been aware that I had under gone (although I was still undergoing) this huge growth and change of pace in my life. The past month has been full of tests that have pushed me to exit my safe place, my cocoon, and realize that those old ways (being a push over, fantasies about old flames, clinging to friendships, even Netflix binges every night) no longer serve a purpose. I am strong enough to over come them now so why not act like the goddess I have become and literally move past them as if they are nothing?

“in the cocoon” is what I call the period of struggle that has been the past year, facing old habits and adjusting my life and mind set to keep up these bad habits and continue to tirelessly try to fit them into my life knowing deep down they didn’t serve me. I did this because I was still in the cocoon, undergoing the transformation still so these bumps and obstacles continued to make me stronger and helped build my armor that I now know I have on. (all the metaphors!)

In the cocoon, I still wanted the attention of people who disregarded me,  put me down, confronted my spiritual beliefs, or continued to accept the truth of just down right closed minded people even tho they had no respect for mine.

Yesterdays scenario will give a bit more understanding.

A friend of 9 years, is very close minded about friendships and doesn’t fully realized the complexity of one’s spiritual mind (or overall being) and doesn’t accept the mental changes that affect people actions and thoughts at given times. In short, she thinks I betrayed her in a way and doesn’t consider us friends. After a rough patch, I had thought things mended themselves, we spent more time together, texted, spoke like friends, she offered advice and support and shelter like a friend, yet, in front of a couple other people last night she accuses me of not being her friend and states her opinion and refusal to believe other wise. I was shocked, it seemed very uncalled for. I am not one to state my opinions eloquently enough on the spot and she is not one to argue with (her words confuse me and I always end up feeling like I’m making no sense). Like last time, I respected that there was no way she was going to accept my point of view and chose not to argue but acknowledged out loud that we saw things different ways and I guess there’s no changing that. This was one thing that made me acknowledge my transformation – verbal communication of my beliefs, and my refusal to change my own mind. The second thing, that took it a little further was my realization that I don’t deserve to deal with her close minded thinking any longer.  My accepting of her thought the process and letting her live her truth is great but, I should not give her time and effort and my friendship anymore if she refused to open her mind and understand my thought process and give me the same respect. its time to move on, and focus on friends who treat me well and make me feel good about myself and help me grow in my next phase of transformation.

 

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