So this past Saturday venus went in retrograde, I felt the shift in energy in my romantic situation before I knew it was because of venus. Saturday My month and a half old snap chatting flirtation didn’t snap me back and I didn’t hear from him until Sunday night. This caused more doubt than usual; doubt in myself that what he might think of me and if what i said came off too cocky. – I usually let texting things just fizzle or i stop texting them or i make myself sound uninteresting. so the fact that we had a good thing going for so long scared me.
This doubt came from more of – is this really what I want and if I was letting it affect me too much.
This dude im talking to .. shit i should come up with a nick name .. “the Dude” is already taken “mr Big” is already taken. gotta spens some time on his nick name. ..
anyways this guy means alot to me. I kissed him 2 summers ago when he came down with my freindand all her friends. we slept i nthe same bed his last ngiht here, and thorughout the weekend i jsut felt attacted to him, but also some sense of common understanding and sense that we liekd eachother.
two smmers ago also happens to be the beignign of my spirtual development. I remeber wrappign his arms around his neck and seeing my mala bead bracletes wondering if he might think my buddign spirtualism was weird. I was so proud of my self for having kissed him – because i never kiss boys i actually want. I remember wanting hi mso bad, jsut liek somethign crazy came over me where i knew i wanted to see him again. 19 year old me started manifesting. The summerwent on and i went to a spritualcommunity for the day with my mom where i was healed by an energy healer and that is when i knew nd felt the transformation of my mind and movement of my soul to the forefront of my being. and the eyar continued. I was at the poitn in my manifestation process wehere he was jsut a constant after thoguth or fantasy in my daydreams abotu who i would end up with. (there was am ometn wheer i thoguth i could feel him and several others where i was happy that out mutual friend mentioned me to him etc.) The fact that both of us had similar feeligns of keeping one in the back of our minds made me feel that this was dthe real deal.
that being said im scared about this retrograde, turning my love situation around. thinking about it maybe means less so nervousness and developing a routine and more constant easy going communication. or it could mean less feeling like its meant to be and more questioning how I feel.
jeeze, i dont have time to elaborate or make sense of posts these days (or edit) so im posting this just for myself.