First year of transtion

Last February, 2016 was the beginning of a very interesting year for me. A year of transition is what I’ve been calling it, sometime in February I realized that the fantasy relationship I had with The Dude was only a fantasy. So I cut my hair, 4 inches shorter than I thought I ever would, ( a total of 9 inches at the time, though), and tried to welcome in a new period of my life, devoid of thoughts of him and focus on myself, what I wanted and working towards my future.

Its safe to say that not thinking of him didn’t work out, in fact, I eventually went back to our canoodling relationship for the fall semester.  But I did make they year very much about my self. Somehow between February and March, I was able to manifest my desire to travel and got accepted into two school programs to study abroad for the summer in between the programs I traveled for five weeks. I was hardly concerned about money, I bought things I needed and then left them when they were no longer of use (particularly a book and a jacket that I do miss). During the school programs, I had to make my own friends, I didn’t really know anyone before – the second one I had my old roommate piya, but we were not the attached at the hip type of friends. But the big things I learned from this sudden abundance of opportunity was to not be scared of it. I found my self-realizing that I was scared of making friends, or of going somewhere for no reason, there was literally nothing stopping me but myself.

“So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying, I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it.” 

I like to think that this new phase of my life in 2017 is more conscious of that tendency to back away or be afraid for reasons that are totally not there or don’t matter so why not go ahead anyways.

I also became more aware of my body and mind in general, and in doing so, I believe I’ve come to a better idea of what I want to do with my life. By doing yoga semi-regularly throughout this transitional period, I feel the change in my body a the reactions have to certain habits of mine. Bottom line. Regular physical activity is a must for confidence and a clear mind. (thanks, Yoga with Adrienne).

Whats important to me – friendships and talking about the progress in each others lives, making sure they are aware of the meaning and motives behind their thoughts and feelings and understand why the do the things they do. This past year I’ve had some conversations with a few of my friends that have really enlighted them and myself to our reactions to certain things because of our own personal experiences and some of my friendships are just so strong and understanding now that I just cant wait to stay in theses peoples lives and work through their hard times with them and see their happy moments too.

My spiritual development has been insane. Hopefully, one day I can write a post on all they synchronistic events that I’ve witnessed in my life, but basically, i am just so lucky to feel the power of the universe around me. I never feel alone, I always have enough, what I need and want will come to me at the right time – and I truly believe these things.

The past few days I have found myself going back to some of my old habits, watching TV shows I watched during my transition year, reading a book that I read before last February and after. These things have given me a chance at seeing how much I have changed, not just in how much I know now but how I lived a year ago. Everything was a blur, I was rushed, pre occupied just waiting for something to happen. I thought it would end when I came back from traveling in August, but that was not the case. I was still waiting for something to happen, I still needed something to change. I had sex, and I think that’s what did it. I am not longer waiting around for the dude or an opportunity to come by.

I feel like that conflicting, busy energy from the year of transition is finally compete and all the energy and thought I put in into cultivating certain habits and ideas that would benefit my future is properly planted and can now be used, or can now grow.
I got frustrated throughout the past 12 months because I thought the room to grow would come faster, I underestimate how long it takes to create the foundation.

Long story short, I originally started this post to write about the fact that I am finally getting back to myself, My hair grew back long, I’ve rewatched some of my favorite tv shows, getting into some of my favorite books. but I am  also a stronger version of who i used to be, I re-read or re watch these tv shows from a more informed perspective, i learn lessons from them or connect certain conventions to real life I also have helthier habits and a more mindfull way of going about daily activites that makes me appreciate everythingm and truly eel grateful.  I can’t wait to see what i accomplish and what else i learn this year.

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